Self-made millionaire's advice to couple expecting to earn 4x more in the next 2 years after struggling with salary gap

Back in 2022, Nate and Serena were newly engaged and figuring out how to manage their finances as a couple. Their primary challenge? Serena was earning nearly double Nate's income, the couple told self-made millionaire Ramit Sethi on an episode of his podcast. Sethi is also the author of the new book, "Money for Couples."

On the show, Serena — their last names were not used — highlighted one common occurrence: covering Nate on typically joint expenses like travel and dining out. "I think the issue we have now is there is no plan, so I'm just very much in the dark about where and when I can expect to be paid back," she said at the time.

Serena is a full-time writer, and Nate is a doctor finishing up a multi-year residency, which is why she made $80,000 in 2022 while he was making about $45,000. That disparity caused a lot of tension between them, but Sethi helped the couple accept that it was a temporary situation that would be remedied — on paper anyway — when Nate finished his residency. After all, Nate says doctors in his field make $350,000 on average, and that he has the potential to make much more given his specific specialty.

Still, Sethi pointed out that the couple needed to improve their communication around money so when one partner isn't so strapped for cash, they're not still arguing about who pays for what.

"If you don't change anything, you will find yourself continuing to argue and to spin about money, and it will become even more painful because one of you will say, "Why are we fighting about money? We make $400,000 a year?' And you're not going to know why," he said.

The couple returned to Sethi's podcast at the end of 2024, and while Nate is still in residency, he is much closer to his big full-time salary.

Here's how they've been putting Sethi's earlier advice into practice and how they're preparing to see their income potentially quadruple.

'I wish Nate could treat me'

When Nate and Serena first spoke with Sethi, things like picking up the check at a dinner caused major disagreements between them. Serena knew she was only going to be the breadwinner temporarily, but she often hesitated to pay for Nate's portion of things because she wanted to feel taken care of.

"What goes through my mind is, I wish Nate could treat me. But one day we'll get to that point, but tonight might not be that point," she said.

Sethi challenged her to go a bit deeper and focus less on the dollar amounts and more on what she wants out of her relationship. Sethi pointed out that the feeling of being taken care of doesn't have to come from Nate paying for things. In fact, for both partners to feel supported, they need to work as team.

"Sometimes being taken care of can be having someone pay for [dinner], but it can also be planning it, making reservations, all that," he said. "There's so many things besides money."

Further, Nate's paying for things when he felt pressured by Serena was putting him in a worse financial situation. Speaking with Sethi helped him realize he needed to better communicate those feelings and acknowledge he's grateful for her financial support, but also looking for more emotional support and reciprocated consideration.

Sethi feels confident the two would figure out the actual financial details of budgeting as Nate's income grows, but "the area of opportunity is to be able to communicate about money and be honest about your feelings," he told the couple.

'Things are going to start changing'

As of 2024, Nate had less than a year left of his residency which he will follow with a year-long fellowship, after which he expects to land a job earning in the mid six-figures. The couple had also begun planning their wedding.

They felt much more confident talking about money and working through challenges together than they did two years ago, but they knew things could get hairy again once Nate becomes the breadwinner by a much higher margin.

"It's just become increasingly important to not lose sight of keeping your view pointed forward," Nate said. "And as I come to the end of this impoverished — relatively, and [with] a lot of debt — chapter, things are going to start changing."

The couple plans to aggressively start paying off Nate's $450,000 worth of student debt once he's making more and put extra money toward retirement accounts he had to largely ignore in his twenties. 

Though nearly half a million dollars in debt would stress almost anyone out and did have Nate worried for some time, Sethi helped him fully accept that his debt burden would become manageable with that massive salary, as long as the couple doesn't significantly upgrade their lifestyle. 

"You can have a tremendous amount of debt, as Nate does, but if you have the corresponding tremendous salary, then it is just a matter of extra zeros," Sethi said.

In addition to tackling their debt and working toward those bigger goals like saving for retirement and eventually buying a home, Sethi encouraged the couple to keep making time and setting aside money for having fun together. 

"You get to have these dreams," he said. "And because of the hard work and the partnership the two of you have put in, [you] get to live it. Don't skip that part. That's actually the best part."

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