A mom who invited her daughter's entire class to her 5th birthday party was heartbroken when only two children showed up.
"Two kids RSVP'd to my little girl's birthday party. I invited her whole entire class. It's in two hours," Sadie Christgau said in a June 4 TikTok video with more than 3M views. "I started panicking. I started inviting all my Facebook friends with kids and I said, 'Just show up, we have enough stuff for 25 kids.'
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"I don't know what to do," she added.
Christgau, a mother of six in Duluth, Minnesota, tells TODAY.com that her preschooler, Brogan, was excited for her tropical-themed birthday party.
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"She's very social and assumes everyone is her best friend," says Christgau. "I thought inviting the whole class would be easier than asking her to pick a few friends, and I didn't want to leave anyone out."
Two weeks before the party, Christgau asked Brogan's teacher to post the invitation on the school’s Seesaw app for the families of more than two dozen students. The platform also sends email and text message notifications, including reminder alerts.
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"I didn't want paper invitations to get lost in kids' backpacks," she says.
Only two families RSVP'd but Christgau was optimistic. "Sometimes people forget to reply but still show up," she says. "I've done that myself."
Christgau turned to Facebook.
"We are looking for some more kids to come join her for her party," she wrote in a post. "My heart breaks for her… please let me know if your little one would like to come celebrate with her at our house ... or even if you want to stop by without kids to wish her a happy birthday you’re more than welcome as well!
"We will have cake and party favors that will otherwise go unused," she added.
Parents on TikTok spoke up, and some didn't think inviting the entire class was necessary.
- "The whole entire class isn't friends with your kid. They are just classmates."
- "If you don't know those parents well, they are probably not coming to your party."
- "We need to look at our child's classmates as we do for most of our coworkers. They're not their friends outside."
Several other parents felt for Christgau's predicament.
- "My son's 7th birthday is in one week and only one kid RSVP'd.
- "This happened to my son when he was 12."
- "We had several people cancel the day of my daughter's first birthday. We made it fun but (it was) a bummer after spending all that time and money."
Numerous parents said they don't throw birthday parties for this reason, instead hosting small family celebrations or otherwise spoiling their birthday kids in other ways. Being unfamiliar with classmates' families was a turn-off as well, they added.
"This is the exact reason we go to every birthday party we are invited to," someone wrote. "Breaks my heart."
Should you invite the entire class?
That's conditional to a child's age, says Francyne Zeltser, the clinical director of psychology, training and special projects at Manhattan Psychology Group, PC.
"It could make sense for families of kids under 4 to invite the whole class, as they're still in the parallel play stage of development (playing alongside, versus with, other kids) and are generally told that classmates are 'friends,'" Zeltser tells TODAY.com.
While a young child won't notice if they're left out, parents will, especially if party photos are posted on social media.
As kids transition to elementary school, says Zeltser, they develop friend preferences — and can participate in party planning.
"Have your kid identify five important guests and vet a date through their parents to ensure most can attend," she says. "Whether or not you invite the entire class, that core group is there."
Parents worried about inclusivity can include the whole class or draw the line at specific groups.
“Maybe you only invite the girls or boys in the class or the entire baseball team,” suggests Zeltser.
To prepare them for disappointments, tell your child that family, work or athletic obligations might overlap with their party, while venues could restrict guest lists.
"We also have to de-personalize it if a guest declines," says Zeltser. "It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t like your kid or that they’re mean.”
And some rules are pretty fixed.
"If you hand out invitations in class, invite everyone so no one feels left out," says Zeltser. "If you invite 70% of the class, consider inviting the remaining 30% — what's a few more kids?"
Christgau admits that she could have tried harder to ensure a bigger turnout. “I was busy and I figured that more kids would show up (without RSVPing) at the last second,” she says.
Brogan's party was still a success, says Christgau, thanks to extended family and Facebook friends. "She had the time of her life."
This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY
